Tired

Night time is often my productive time. I have fond memories of late nights writing papers, last minute studying, all night reading. Okay, sure, some of these memories are not accurately described as "fond," but nerd that I am, I do recall sincerely enjoying many--if not most--of these late nights.

It's 11 pm. I was ready to go to bed an hour ago.

I think fatigue is a ridiculous symptom. But I guess it's kind of like water torture. A small inescapable nuisance repeated over and over at irregular intervals produces an unexpectedly extreme stress reaction. At some point during the last week of June, I think, this extreme reaction hit.

There is so much more to the situation than this post lets on, but I've had complaints about my lack of blogging ;-) so I thought I'd try writing something.

When I thought of the water torture analogy, I looked it up. Wikipedia informs me that Mythbusters did an episode on water torture to see if it really can drive someone insane:

The Discovery Channel series Mythbusters investigated Chinese water torture and found that dripping water on the forehead, by itself, was not particularly stressful. Immobilizing the subject along with a fixed variable water drop schedule proved the most stressful of the methods they tried, and cold water intensified the effect.

What I have found is that when I allowed myself to believe that I could take a break from everything, the anxiety eased tremendously. The thought of "mobilizing" myself is a relief--that I don't have to continue under the pressure of these responsibilities while the persistent drip of fatigue plagues me. Praise God for that.

But I can tell that the thought alone is only a temporary relief; now I'm praying that the realization of that thought is not too far off.