Gotta Dance!

So I finally went ballroom dancing here in GA last night. Melissa and I braved it together without any boys. It was so much fun. I hadn't been in probably 8-9 months! My, that is too long to go without dancing!

I danced quite a bit with a 7 foot tall man, ha. Ok, I'm not sure if he was actually 7 feet tall, but he was close. He was very sweet and a very good dancer. And I also danced quite a bit with this cute Asian man who was an amazing dancer and reminded me of dancing with Ev back in Richmond. He made me look good, ha.

I love to Waltz, and I enjoy Swing. I need more lessons and practice with most of the others to enjoy them more, I think. I look forward to taking classes soon but am glad that in the meantime we can go to these practice parties. Fun fun. =)

Audience of One

Sometimes it's really hard to live for an audience of one. My pride, my self-image, my desire for the approval and respect of people I respect and love--even of strangers--make me feel like I must be doing something wrong even though my God says that I am not. I crave words of approval and acceptance and applause of these new steps I am taking. I wince at words of criticism, doubt, and belittling. What a spoiled, soft little child I am.

I am taking my life too seriously again... I listen too intently when others take it too seriously and then start wondering if I was wrong to start dancing to the music and playing with the songs of life. Only one thing is needed. The only thing I need take seriously is my relationship with my King and Redeemer--to sit at His feet, to love Him, and to delight in Him.

One thing I ask of You, this is what I seek--
That I may dwell in Your house, feel your pleasure wash over me.

One thing I ask of You, this is what I need--
That I may hide in your hands, feel your presence fall over me.

And I am confident of this one thing--
That my eyes will be blessed when they gaze upon your beauty,
And my lips will be sweet when they whisper words of praise,
And my heart will be dancing when it knows that you are with me,
And I will see your goodness in the land of the living.

-Ben and Robin Pasley (Waterdeep)

What If There Was No Good Friday?

This evening I read a chapter from the book The Collected What If? Eminent Historians Imagining What Might Have Been by Robert Cowley titled "Pontius Pilate Spares Jesus: Christianity without the Crucifixion" by Carlos M. N. Eire. It was interesting to hear one man's thoughts on what the effects of this omission might have been.

Of course, from a Christian's perspective, this omission would be the most significant omission possible in all creation, but the simple telling of what earth may have looked like had Jesus died of old age sounds deceptively innocent. In the account Eire gives, the world moves on, societies progress and grow, and religion continues. Jesus is mistaken for a mere prophet. And the world thanks him for teaching submission and nonviolence and love and that Gentiles are welcomed to worship the God of Israel, too. And it all sounds rather okay and normal.

But what is mankind without the cross? What is the story of creation without Jesus' sacrifice? Without His suffering and wounding, and His silence in the face of false accusations? It is so easy for us to live our lives as though the cross never happened because we are blind to reality. We do not really understand that none of our history or our future makes any sense without the crucifixion--that there is a larger story being told, a story of redemption. And without the cross, the story is lost.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to say with this post and so I am not saying it very well, heh. But I am glad for a day--a Good Friday--to remember that there was a cross, that Pontius Pilate did not spare Jesus because it was not God's will, and that the story of redemption continues because the Lamb of God was sacrificed for the sins of the world. And now all may become citizens of the coming Kingdom of Heaven because of what the Son of God did and not because of anything we do. This is indeed gospel--good news.

Behold, the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world!
- John the Baptist (John 1:29)

Where Am I Gazing?

I have an interview at PSI tomorrow at 3. I'm doing my best not to get nervous about it. I should be really excited, but I guess I haven't let myself think about it very much in an attempt not to get nervous.

This seems silly to me though because I have no reason not to be excited about the interview. If nothing else, it is a great opportunity to meet an amazing Christian woman who is serving God's kingdom and to learn more about what that all looks like from her eyes. And it's an opportunity for me to share with her where I have been and what God has been teaching me and where I feel He is leading me. And it is simply an opportunity to see if PSI has a need that I can meet. If so, fantastic. If not, then I pray they find someone quickly who can meet their need, and I trust that God will provide new direction.

I trust. I have said, "I trust that God..." innumerable times in my life I am sure. But I find myself of late on the edge of competing perspectives. One says, "I trust God, but, in the meantime, I'm concerned about what people think, I'm anxious about what's going to happen, and I feel the need to go out of my way to make things work to my advantage or to protect myself." The other, a newer perspective says, "I trust God. I can see how He has provided for me even in the darkest of nights. I know that He desires and intends to use me in service for His Kingdom, and I am willing to serve in whatever capacity He so chooses. So here I wait patiently, eager to hear His next assignment, not fearing rejection because 'rejection' is merely a sign pointing me in a better direction."

I want to hold onto that new perspective--that new gaze. I thank God for this new perspective, and I trust that He will give me the strength to fight against the doubts that disrupt the peace of a soul that gazes on a saving God.

Faith is the gaze of a soul upon a saving God. ~A.W. Tozer

The steadfast of mind you will keep in perfect peace because he trusts in you. ~Isaiah 26:3

Praising in the Darkness

I've been learning a lot lately about praising and loving God in the midst of pain and darkness. Not so much from personal experience at this point in time--although I have been there recently--but that message keeps coming at me from different directions, in different forms:

• I'm reading Hinds Feet on High Places, and I've only just begun it, but already I know that Sorrow and Suffering are accompanying Much Afraid on her journey and that the Shepherd will not carry her to the high places... but this is necessary to give her hinds feet.
• I'm taking a class on the end times from a pre-mill, post-trib. perspective. If the church is to experience mass martyrdom, betrayal among brethren, and lawlessness on the earth as never before, we must learn to praise and love God in the midst of pain and darkness.
• I was talking with a friend recently about the strange state of either being wary of trials ending or missing them because you know that without them it is too easy to lose the desperation for God felt in the midst of them that can lead to deeper, richer, and stronger love and worship. Not that I think you should purposely seek out or lengthen trials, but I see now more than ever how James could say that they are a reason to rejoice:
  

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

I think this passage from Habakkuk is so beautiful and captures the heart of one who is set on praising God, come what may:

Though the fig tree should not blossom
And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail
And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold,
And there be no cattle in the stalls,
Yet I will exult in the Lord;
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength
And He has made my feet like hinds' feet
And makes me walk on my high places.
Habakkuk 3:17-19

The Job-Hunt Begins

I just submitted my first two job applications today.
One at the Psychological Studies Institute.
One at Perimeter Church.
What will happen next?
I'm feeling rather excited about it at the moment, like reading a mystery novel that's about to unravel.

A Call to Adoration

Praise the Lord, you who are His children.
Wonder at His boundless Love.
Greet the King, applaud adoration
With the saints in heav'n above.

Humbly bow, you His subjects in fear;
Kneel before His glorious throne.
Laugh and weep, for the Love you revere
Is yours to hold and be known.

INFP or ISTJ?

Who am I?

Over the past year or so I've come to believe that I really don't have a very good idea of who I am.

Have you taken the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator? It's a fascinating framework, I think, for understanding people and learning more about yourself. But of course it can only go so far...

In high school, I tested as ISTJ. In college, I was suddenly INFP. Now I look at profile descriptions of both and feel like I have a split personality. I know with certainty that I am an introvert (we've already been over that, ha). But when it comes to all the other dimensions, I get lost.

Hm, here's a new way of looking at all of this that I hadn't heard before:

To the outside world, do I appear most:
logical
empathetic
concrete or
abstract?

If I had more readers, I'd take a poll. If you are reading this, let me know what you think. =)