"Man found alive with two legs" or "On the goodness of love of home"

From G.K. Chesterton's Manalive:

"My grandmother would have said that we were all in exile, and that no earthly house could cure the holy homesickness that forbids us rest."

"I think your grandmother was right ... But I think there is more to be said. I think God has given us the love of special places, of a hearth and of a native land, for a good reason. ... Because otherwise we might worship ... Eternity ... the largest of the idols--the mightiest of the rivals of God. ... I mean...that if there be a house for me in heaven it will either have a green lamp-post and a hedge, or something quite as positive and personal as a green lamp-post and a hedge. I mean that God bade me love one spot and serve it, and do all things however wild in praise of it, so that this one spot might be a witness against all the infinities and the sophistries, that Paradise is a somewhere and not anywhere, is something and not anything. And I would not be so very much surprised if the house in heaven had a real green lamp-post after all."

I really appreciated reading this perspective. I have had ponderings and questions surrounding this idea but did not have any conclusive thoughts other than to say that I know that I love my home in a way that I do not love other places, and yet I also know and feel in a very real sense that it is not my "real" home.

Similarly, I was reading in a magazine that North Carlina established a law this year requiring students to say the Pledge of Allegiance every day and how some schools had sent a letter home asking parents to talk to their children about their family's "approach to the pledge." I personally am bothered by the lack of patriotism in our country, but was never sure if it should bother me as a Christian--mainly, that all nations and ethnicities fall under the rule of the Kingdom of Heaven, so is it right to support one country rather than another?

Likewise, I have wondered about my own lack of concern or passion for other countries and places and people, but I have never felt strongly convicted of this lack. I admire and praise the passion I see in others for the world, and yet I do not find much of this passion in myself. And I cannot tell if this is a wrong lack or simply a lack. I feel more of a calling to learn how to love and serve the people in my immediate surroundings because I see so clearly and painfully how poorly I attend to this small task. It seems for me it would be side-stepping the issue if I were to pour my heart into attention to peoples across the sea or even in the next state when there are people in my house whom God calls me to love and serve. Again, this is not say that I don't think Christians are called to love and serve the world--certainly we are. I am speaking simply of my personal heart and where I find myself--for better or worse.

But Chesterton says something here in this passage that I find comforting and assuring. God does not call us to love the world as a whole. That is His place. He calls us to be parts of the whole, and He uses us in small parts of the whole--we must not entertain our tendencies to think of ourselves as more than small creatures on this earth. Likewise, God is not calling us to an abstract, infinite, all-encompassing life. He calls us to a very concrete, specific, personal life. Similarly, though He is omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, infinite, etc... He is also a Person. He is not anywhere and anything; He is somewhere and something. He is a very specific Being with specific characteristics, desires, intentions. In addition, heaven is not a generic, cookie-cutter, artificial place. It is a personal, unique, very real place. It is all the beautiful things of earth magnified beyond our imaginations. Yet, though being beyond our imaginations, not outside of our ability to perceive.

When you think of heaven, think of all the good, specific, personal, beautiful things you have seen and experienced on earth and know that the things of God's kingdom are made of this stuff, and even better. Is it C.S. Lewis who speaks of this earth as shadows of reality? Think of how a shadow gives you some sense of the real thing. If the shadow is breath-taking, just imagine what the real object must be like.

But do not stop there. When you think of heaven, think most of its Creator and King. For all of this beauty and wonder is dull and lifeless without first loving and admiring the Person who not only oversees, protects, preserves, and sustains it all, but lovingly created it as an outpouring of His glory.

Ah, there is so much else I could say on these matters, but this is already too long! I used to think I was a concise writer. Maybe I am, and I just have more thoughts than are appropriate for a blog entry. Who knows. =)

May you glimpse heaven today and see a bit more of God's glory.

Things I would write about if I took the time

• Entering the Holy of Holies
• My car trip home
• Life in my parents' house
• Headaches vs. Fatigue vs. Lack of Motivation or Willpower
• Frustration with the discrepancy between my internal and external personalities
  
• Expertise: my lack thereof and admiration of others'
  
• Concern regarding the domination of blogging topics by me-centered thinking (my own blogging, that is)
  
• Considering people as ants or sheep and wondering at a God who not only adores said creatures but became one
• Trying to eat healthy in America

What will I do instead of writing about these things? See about lunch, perhaps read more of Manalive, visit Mercy the kitten with a bright green cast who leaves our house today, attempt to organize the mounds of chaos that is my room right now, yoga, wait for my housemates to come home, go see my nutritionist about some lab results, play scrabble with mom and Hannah if I'm lucky, finish watching Two Towers with everybody, and go to sleep.

I've gone to bed earlier and earlier each night and have been surprised to find myself thus waking up earlier and earlier. I woke up at 7:20 this morning and did not have any trouble getting out of bed--that for me is astounding. Ironic how I went from never waking up naturally before 9:30 am or wanting to get out of bed ever to waking up naturally at 8 am ready to hop out of bed only to find myself exhausted (but not sleepy) the rest of the day. Weird.

Fascinating turn of events

I should be sleeping, but I felt compelled to comment that actually stepping into this home-for-a-semester life feels like nothing I've felt before. I think it is because this is not something I ever expected or imagined happening, and I can't think of any time in my life where I have ended up in a completely different place than planned. It feels strangely freeing to hardly know a thing about what the next months have in store.

I also wanted to write about my car ride today, but it will have to wait. Sleep has been calling my name for awhile now.

So goodnight.

On the use of articles preceding country names: A pondering

The other day I left the following comment on a friend's blog:

Drew.
You are no longer in the Ukraine.
Write something.
Love,
Jen

This morning, for some reason, I wondered to myself, "Why do we called it 'the Ukraine'? We certainly don't say 'the France,' whereas 'the United States' makes sense because it is referring to an actual group of states rather than simply a proper name. Hm... did Drew say 'the Ukraine?'"

And then I checked, and I see that he did not. And then I became concerned and did what I usually do in instances such as this: I googled it. And to my relief I found at least some sort of explanation.

I found it highly amusing that they used "La France" as an example of countries preceded by an article when this was precisely the country I thought of to refute the notion of using articles before a country's name.

I am slightly relieved that I did not randomly feel the need to place an article before Ukraine, but I still do not understand why it ever began with "the" to begin with. "La Republica Argentina" seems to make some sense assuming this means "The Argentine Republic" (again, a republic being a thing that would require an article). But why is it "La France"? Why?

Extroversion/Introversion: A Continuum

Back to the topic of introversion. I figured this would require some expounding and this expectation was confirmed by the comment left by Jenn B, who questioned her own introversion in response to the article I linked, "Caring for Your Introvert." If I were to base my conception of introversion on this one article, I would find myself feeling that I don't fit anywhere in this world--I don't by any means "growl...when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice" but I also know for certain that I do not "think by talking."

Extroversion and Introversion are two ends of a continuum, and the article I reference seems to describe the extreme ends of that continuum. You may find yourself reflected more in one of the caricatures than the other, and this is probably a good indication of which side of the line you fall.

What I find fascinating about this personality trait is the physiological basis of it all (although despite my fascination, I really have not studied much on the matter). My simplistic understanding of this physiological difference is that introverts' bodies and minds have a higher baseline arousal than extroverts. As such, they do not require or seek out external stimulation to raise this arousal as extroverts do. Everything flows from this: introverts prefer alone time, a more quiet and slow pace, they are content to be alone with their own thoughts for hours and find it exhausting to be in large groups for very long; extroverts are literally physically uncomfortable being alone and quiet, their bodies need stimulation so they seek out people and experiences to achieve that stimulation.

Enter important point. Human bodies are not made "either/or." There aren't two levels of baseline arousal--the introvert and the extrovert. I have often been frustrated by people who say things like, "I know you'd never guess it about me, but I'm an introvert. I mean, I definitely need alone time." [Jenn, I'm not talking about you =). I can see that you have introverted qualities.] I would guess that about 95% of all human beings need at least some "alone time." And it's funny how these same people are probably the ones who would ask me why I'm so quiet--perhaps you can see why I would be so frustrated with this.

Just thought of this. It's interesting how the emphasis is on "needing" alone time... I don't usually think of it as a "need" that I must be consciously aware of meeting. For me, it's just a default/preference. If I have the choice to go to a big party or stay at home by myself and read (or even just sit and stare, really, ha) , I honestly prefer the latter. Now I do often make the choice to go to the party because while I enjoy being alone, I know that we were created for relationships, and sometimes investing in relationships means going to big parties. =)

::wandered off for a google search::

Ok, so I felt the need to verify my statements on the physiology of extroversion/introversion and found this site. Not exactly a peer-reviewed journal article or anything, but it seems to describe what I'm talking about pretty well. I didn't read it all, but one thing that caught my attention is the notion that under chronic anxiety, people's baseline arousal increases thus leading extroverts to behave more like introverts. I wonder if this is what is happening when these obviously extroverted people I meet claim to be introverts because of their "need" for alone time. Maybe when they get stressed out they find themselves needing to be alone and not wanting to go out and be around lots of people (suddenly it's overwhelming because their baseline arousal is already high) and so they recognize this as introverted behavior and conclude that they are introverted. Interesting. That is helpful for me, ha. I can understand them better and not be so frustrated =) This is good.

Alright, I hope this was helpful for some people or interesting at the least. Now it is time for some alone time with my bed. ;-)

Dancing

So my parents' church back in Atlanta has a Ballroom Dance Community. How psyched am I! If only I could be sure I have the energy for it.

I love dancing.


PS This above appears to be a tango dip. Aren't you impressed? ;-)

Introversion and Prayer

This evening I was listening to an extroverted friend of mine talk about her prayer life, and it made me wonder how introverts' and extroverts' prayer lives might differ.

I read Brother Lawrence's book The Practice of the Presence of God this summer because I have been feeling a desire to know God more intimately and more regularly in my life though I am not sure exactly what this would look or feel like. Lawrence talks of it as an unending conversation, but he also speaks of it as knowing and acknowledging God's presence with you in every moment. And I guess I was realizing tonight that it is the latter I desire because I do not always feel able to keep up that much "conversation." When I relate my relationship with God to my relationship with people, it becomes more clear that I desire a more tangible sense of His nearness and presence with me in the silences. With my closest friends, I love to "just be" with them. I can be wrapped up in reading a book or studying for a test, but I still feel their presence with me. And of course it's a lot easier to be aware of them when there is a physical body there, heh.

It seems I usually only know God's presence when I am speaking to Him. And I want to be more aware of His presence when I am doing other things, to realize that He is experiencing it all with me. I suppose, as Brother Lawrence would advise, I should start practicing.

It's true; I'm an introvert.

Every so often I come across a comforting reminder that many of my seeming social incompetencies are simply artifacts of being an introvert. Throughout my childhood I was regularly accused of being quiet. It perplexed me why people would be so offended by my silence. (And yes, they were often accusations and not simply inquiries or descriptors.)

With age, I have learned how to step out of my instinctual ways and engage in small talk (gulp) when the occasion calls for such, and I have learned to make myself speak even when I have not organized my thoughts (although this is still difficult). Even so, I have been surprised by accusations of quietness even in relationships where I know I have purposefully spoken more than usual. Thankfully, these accusations come less often now that I am older; I like to think it is because my peers have matured and recognize that it is okay for people to be quiet and that this does not always indicate arrogance or fear. But maybe they have just learned to keep their judgments to themselves. I'm not sure.

I could write more on this subject, but I should get back to work. But here is an interesting article on the matter. I agree with and relate to a lot of what the author says, but not everything. Actually, I was quite frustrated with the way he ended the report. Perhaps some introverts feel this way, and I suppose there are times when I would agree with his request. However, I think a better approach would simply be to ask, "What are you thinking about?" Then be prepared for a reply indicating they'd rather not talk about it and keep in mind that a decline is not an insult to you. Sometimes we just want to think to ourselves, and sometimes we aren't even able to verbalize our thoughts yet. And as this article suggests, this concept is perplexing to many extroverts, but it's true, nonetheless. Thinking before you speak isn't always just a choice to make--for introverts, often there's no way of getting around it.

Edit: 9/18/07
I decided to delete the cute picture I had of a girl making the universal "shh" hand-to-mouth gesture from this post because I was getting a ridiculous amount of visitors simply for that picture which isn't even mine. It was making me nervous. Heh.

Melodies of Crushes: A History

I think it was at some point on my 5 hour car trip to Charlotte last weekend that I got the urge to blog a list of the songs that represent my history of loves/crushes. I'm pretty sure this came upon me while listening to Imogen Heap sing "Goodnight and Go" which put me on an amusing trip into the not long ago past when I listened to Imogen's album "Speak for Yourself" on a train ride to Philadelphia to visit Joanna. I shan't go into a whole lot of detail due to fear that one of these unwitting young men might happen upon my site ;-)

The song-for-my-crush-of-the-year phase did not begin until high school. Let's see:

1) JH. 10th grade. Hm... Well, perhaps it didn't start until late high school... moving on.

2) KC. 11th grade. "How do I get there from here" Deana Carter. This was kind of a half-hearted connection based on the fact that this was someone I was friends with and could never really figure out if I was attracted to him or not. So the song doesn't fit perfectly, but I remember listening to it and thinking about him--maybe wishing that I felt that way.

3) JG. My boyfriend 11th-12th. At least 2 for this one.

• "When you say nothing at all" Alison Krauss. This was the first song we danced to on our first "date"--homecoming junior year.
• "Amazed" Lonestar. We also danced to this at homecoming. One night walking around my neighborhood JG suggested that this be "our song." I wasn't convinced--I don't think I ever really loved the song itself, heh--so it didn't really stick. (Or maybe it did since it made this list...?)
  

4) DR. Hm... lots of songs associated here, but a few that stand out.

• "Cowboy take me away" Dixie Chicks
• "I still believe" Mariah Carey
• "I just don't think I'll ever get over you" Colin Hay (although I never was moved to drink strong whiskey, haha)
• There is another song that I have only heard once in my life on the radio--I believe I heard it when my alarm went off to wake me from a nap freshman year, and it amazed me how it reflected my thoughts and feelings at that time. Unfortunately, I do not know who sings it or any of the lyrics. Who knows--maybe I dreamt it...
  

5) AH. Summer after freshman year of college.

• "The Longest Time" Billy Joel. This was actually his song for our relationship which I think is amazing and still makes me happy.
• "A Thousand Miles" Vanessa Carlton. It was a long distance relationship (shrug). Haha.

(Who am I forgetting in here? Who was my sophomore crush?)

6) DK. Junior year. Anything Michael Jackson because he loves him.

7) EP. Senior year. Hm... Not sure I had a song for him.

8) Grad school #1. "Goodnight and Go" Imogen Heap.

9) Grad school #2. "One Evening" Feist--for the melody and dancing more than the lyrics.

10) Grad school #3. "Let Go" Frou Frou and "The Walk" Imogen Heap. (I think I just really like Imogen Heap, haha.)

11) Who's next? ;-) I'm hoping for "When I fall in love" Nat King Cole. (I couldn't find a better love song to imply I'm hoping it will be a crush to last a lifetime, heh.)

But for now I guess "You can't hurry love" The Supremes will have to do. =)

Bizarre

So I confess I do have a visitor tracker on this here blog. And occasionally, I will check in on who has been visiting. Not that I can really tell exactly, but it gives me an idea if it's just my mother or not, haha.

One of the features is tracking referral URL's. Usually this is indicated as "unknown," which I would assume is because the person has a bookmark for my page or simply has it memorized by heart, I'm sure. A few others come from links on fellow bloggers--daily burns, smokeymountainrain. But today I saw something quite extraordinary.

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&rlz
=1I7GGLG&sa=X&oi=spell&resnum=0&ct=result&cd=1&q=
disillusioned%20with%20love&spell=1

Not sure if you can interpret that, but this individual found my blog via a google search of "disillusioned with love." I found this rather amusing given my actual post on "disillusioned self-love" is probably miles from the thoughts the seeker desired, but it piqued my curiosity as to why then this person would have clicked on my link amongst a host of what I assumed would be gazillions of web-pages addressing the not uncommon state of being disillusioned with love--a topic that I would imagine to be prime fodder for bloggers world-wide.

Well, I went myself to google and typed in "disillusioned with love." Go ahead. Try it yourself.

Now tell me why on earth is my post the first link on the list? Bizarre.